I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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