i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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