all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize