I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize