You can't motorboat a personality
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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