Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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