rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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