Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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