Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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