he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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