My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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