I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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