shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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