My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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