thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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