Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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