I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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