i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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