grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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