you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize