guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's always time for handjobs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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