I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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