Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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