thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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