I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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