What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize