Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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