I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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