that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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