The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize