I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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