I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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