my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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