Yo dont text me then not text me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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