I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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