Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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