he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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