Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
the raccoons are back...
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