seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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