I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
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If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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