It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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