You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dick very happy bro
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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