We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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