in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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