Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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