She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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