need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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