Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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