Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize