You surviving the open bar?
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If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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